


Heartstrings

by QuietDarkness



Series: Hearts (Destiel) [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 19:18:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10520142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietDarkness/pseuds/QuietDarkness
Summary: Cas and Dean have a conversation about love and fear. Can there be a balance?(Part 2)





	

Cas didn't sleep. 

Dean knew that, but it still unsettled him knowing he'd be laying there, wrapped up in the angel's warmth, and he'd be catching quality z's while Cas literally just stayed there without so much as a snore. In fact, it bothered him so much that Dean was currently sitting on the edge of the bed they shared, pouting about it. Again. Yeah, pouting. Because how else was he going to get his point across?

“Dean, we talked about this.” Cas said as he draped his trench coat over Dean's chair and loosened his backward tie more, popping the top two buttons on his white shirt. “It is not an inconvenience.” Dean practically rolled his eyes right out of his head at that, kicking his left boot off before reaching to untie the right one.

“Dude, you literally just... just...” he paused, looking up at the man with the brilliant blue eyes who was standing with one hand on his hip, that too damn adorable look of confusion plastered across his features, making Dean crack a sideways smirk. “What is it you do when I'm sleeping?”

“Hold you.” Cas replied so nonchalantly that Dean let out a small bark of a laugh.

“Now, you see... that, right there, that's what I'm talking about. Why would you just lay there listening to my smarmy ass cutting logs when you could literally be doing anything else?” He asked, tossing his remaining boot to the side. Cas smiled then, a small, slow stretch of lips that held Dean's attention instantly. The older Winchester could admit, he found Cas's lips tantalizing, though mostly because he now knew how they tasted, and how they felt on his skin. Cas was a master with his lips.

“I don't want to be doing anything else.” He said, letting his hand fall from his hip before he wandered over to sit lazily beside Dean. Ugh, the guy could really tug at Dean's heartstrings. Just by being... well... himself. The warmth radiating from Cas was instant as he settled, and Dean instinctively found himself leaning into it. It had only been about four months since he'd finally gotten far enough out of his own head to tell Cas how he really felt. He'd been such an asshole to the angel, simply because he couldn't figure out his own scrambled emotions. But finally saying the truth out loud, and hearing it returned, was liberating on so many levels. There was this weight, this heavy planetoid sized burden, lifted from his every day life now. Monsters, bad guys, shadows slithering through the dark, and Dean had never been more at ease with it all. 

He felt Cas's arm move around him, resting on his opposite hip. Dean recognized the controlled strength in the angel's arm, the otherworldly power that rippled just beneath the surface that could probably destroy Dean Winchester with no effort. And yet, Cas had only ever been perfect with Dean. He never crossed the line, was as gentle as a fricken kitten. Unless Dean was in a... well, feistier mood. 

“Truthfully, I find it soothing to hold you, to watch you while you sleep... to know you are safe.” Cas continued, his thumb stroking the skin just above Dean's belt. There was a touch of contained sorrow in Cas's tone. It was subtle, barely noticeable. Had he been anyone else, Dean might not have even caught it. But Cas wasn't anyone else. Dean turned his head to look at his angel, a term he used more and more as time went on. _His angel._

“Cas?” His name, a question, a prayer all its own. Those damn bluer than blue eyes turned his way and Dean reached over and squeezed the angel's knee gently. “I'm okay, man. Really. Safe and sound. Right here.” He offered up a smile, bright and dazzling, charming to a T. But Cas just narrowed his gaze and then shrugged. “Seriously, Cas, what's wrong?”

Silence. Long, almost quaking. Dean could almost hear the thoughts swimming through Cas's eyes, mumblings and whispers without form. Then Cas let a breath out of his nose before slipping away from him, standing and pacing till his strong back was facing Dean and his hands were back on his hips. “I did not realize it would be so difficult, venturing down this road with you.” Cas finally said, not a mumble, definitely not a whisper. He turned slightly to look at Dean who, honestly, was far more confused now than he had felt in a really long time.

“What does that mean?” He asked firmly, not meaning for his voice to sound so gruff. He watched the lines around Cas's eyes tense momentarily. 

“You nearly died yesterday. And I was not there. Knowing that... knowing you're always in danger, it should not bother me. I know you are a hunter. I know you cannot stop running head long into trouble. But I cannot always be there. What if at some point you do not come back? What if I could have healed you but was not there to do so?” Cas explained, his voice getting rigid the more he spoke. There was such emotion, swirling like a hurricane in his gaze. “Thinking about... knowing it...” he shook his head, tearing his eyes away, staring down at the floor, “It hurts. And frightens me. I suppose it always has to an extent. But now that we're... that we...” His voice caught for a moment and he cleared his throat, “I am not sure I can handle it.”

Dean felt the air just go out of him, but more out of an acute understanding than anything else. He let his eyes trail to the same spot that Cas was now so intently eyeing. It was true. The hunt the day before hadn't exactly gone as planned, even though they'd won in the end. A rogue demon with a cataclysm weapon had nearly done him in. If Sam hadn't gotten him to Cas in time, he'd be sleeping with the fishes right now. Cas's face in that moment, seeing Dean dripping blood from a nearly fist sized hole in his ribs, had been more painful than the wound itself. If he'd had a voice in that moment, he'd have told Cas it was no big deal. Don't worry. Had worse. But the truth was, deep down Dean had actually thought he was going to die. That finally his ticket was punched. 

When that weapon had gone straight into him, a searing and bright light filling his insides, and pain flooded every vein and nerve, Dean didn't think about much of anything or anyone. Except Cas. The angel's face, his voice, his eyes, his hands. The ridiculous curiosity, the tender touches, the sheets on the floor. The laughing at Cas trying to figure out how to peel a potato, watching the angel get surrounded by kittens at a crazy cat lady's house during a case, and more. The last four months had flashed through Dean's head in a single breath, and he didn't want to die. He didn't want the last time he kissed, held, told Cas he loved him to be the last. 

Luckily, it hadn't been. 

“Don't you think I feel the same about you?” Dean asked then, his voice much softer now, as he stood, pacing socked feet toward Cas and squaring off with him. Cas met his gaze uneasily, brows softly furrowed. “It's not supposed to be easy, man. Even if we were just two normal guys living the cherry pie life, fear is part of the deal. You worry about the people you love, no matter what. It just so happens that we get to worry a bit more than normal.” Dean stepped right into Cas's space, then, slipping his rough hands onto the angel's hips and pulling him toward him. Cas's hands rested easily on his biceps, completely unperturbed to be so close. “You might be an angel, but you're not invincible. And yet you put yourself right out there, in the thick of it, knowing damn well you could die, same as Sam and I do. Don't you think that drives me nuts?” Dean asked honestly. Cas blinked at him. “Between you and Sam, I might just have a coronary one day.” He quipped, and Cas's face softened lightly, that tiny smile appearing. God, he loved that smile.

“How do you get past the fear?” Cas's raspy tone met Dean's ears right before Cas pressed his forehead to his own. “You do not really show it.”

“Practice.” He grinned, but then shrugged lightly. “I'd be lying if I said I'm used to it. And I don't think we're ever supposed to get past it. It's just part of the package, man. I love you. You love me. And we're supposed to go nuts worrying about each other. We just gotta learn to live with it, because I ain't givin you up. Not for all the peace of mind in the world.” 

Dean must have said something right, because suddenly Cas's soft, warm, delicious lips were on his. Kissing Cas was a bit like an out of body experience. It was so damn amazing, it just couldn't be real. But it was. All of it. It took him to a place of such ease and other-worldliness that Dean wondered if Cas even knew the power his kisses had. For a guy who had little to no real experience in the relationship department, Cas was a very methodical kisser. His lips moved with a single purpose... to search Dean. And his tongue was no exception to that, tasting and roaming right alongside Dean's until the human in the pairing had no choice but to come up for air. He hated that Cas had that advantage. But he smiled, stroking Cas's cheek with the hand that wandered up during some point of that earth-quaking kiss. They didn't pull apart completely till a knock was heard at Dean's room door.

“You two decent?” Sam called from the other side, his sasquatch voice muffled by the thick wood. Cas smirked, an honest to goodness smirk, knowing why Sam no longer just let himself in. One time seeing his brother and best friend getting their freak on was enough for the younger Winchester. Dean chuckled, slapping Cas's ass on the way to the door, opening it to reveal Sam standing there with a bowl of popcorn, a six pack of beer and the dvd set he'd brought for them to watch. Sam beamed lightly, watching Cas settle onto the bed with his back to the headboard. Movie night, apparently, was one of Cas's all time favorite things.

“So what's it this time?” Dean asked, moving to the bed to sit next to his angel. That phrase again. _His angel._ Sammy smirked at him, watching as the two men on the bed intertwined their hands, completely at ease in their own skins and Sam's presence. Sometimes Dean wondered who was happier that Dean and Cas were finally a thing. Because sometimes, it definitely seemed like Sam was far too geeky about it. The taller man set the bowl and beer down on Dean's desk before moving to the flat screen on the opposite side of the room. 

“I asked if we could watch the Lord of the Rings. Sam had me read the books. I was curious if the theatrical version would be as interesting.” Cas replied from his side. Dean shook his head a little, watching Sam pop in the dvd before going to sit in the only chair. 

“That's a long ass movie. So don't be surprised if I fall asleep.” Dean muttered, wagging his fingers at Sam for a beer. The sound started up, piping through the tiny speakers, just enough so that Sam didn't hear it when Cas whispered into Dean's ear.

“That's alright. I'll be right here, holding you, like always.” The rough whisper sent shivers up and down Dean's spine. But he also felt an intense warmth, a delightful peace he would never speak of out loud. Mostly because it was his, and his alone. Gifted to him by the angel at his side. He tightened his fingers around Cas's before raising his beer to his lips. He had no way of knowing what tomorrow would bring. But as long as he could fight at his brother's side, and sleep next to his ever watchful angel at night, he'd take it all. Monsters, bad guys, shadows slithering through the dark, all of it. Because, honestly, for this hunter, life had never been more perfect.

As the movie played on, and sleep took him over, Cas wrapped an arm safely around his human. When it finished, and Sam was gone, Cas shifted Dean under the covers. And Dean, in his sleep filled stupor, simply let him. The lights went out, and Dean curled into Cas easily, feeling the steady rise and fall of the angel's chest in the dark. “Love you.” He muttered. And he swore he could sense Cas smiling, a bright and real and perfect smile. Awesome.

“I love you, too, Dean.”

And then the hunter was simply, easily, peacefully asleep.


End file.
